She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
