I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
