What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize