maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
