that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
