His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
