I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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