Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
