She is in my trunk
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
