the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
