I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
