Already got asked if we're dating
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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