is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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