i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
