is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How external is "for external use only"?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize