I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize