My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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