Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
