exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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