Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
