I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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