He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
