p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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