You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
