It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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