Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did i walk over a car last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
