i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
