R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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