I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
