i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
