so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
