Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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