I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
