i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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