What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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