I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
