you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
