Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
