We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
