I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
