someone get that fucking seahorse.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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