I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
