i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
