Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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