just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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