why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
