I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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