i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
