my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
