Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
