Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There's always time for handjobs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A bitchslap is in order.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize