WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
