wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want to make a zoo with you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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