well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
