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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS

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• (518): View more from New York

  it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  "Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there

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• (914): View more from New York

  We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer

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• (214): View more from Texas

  True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like

  (972): View more from Texas

  Why do you text me weird shit like this?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.

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• (510): View more from California

  LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of

  (415): View more from California

  Yes dear.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm keeping him.

  (714): View more from California

  Sex was good?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.

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