My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize