at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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