nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
