peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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