Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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