Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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