Im at strip club and am horny
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
