She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
