Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize