The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
