got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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