if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
