she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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