you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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