Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
