will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
