I wanna bring you to show and tell
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
