Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
