Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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