i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
