Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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