FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
