Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
