I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
