That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
