Just cropdusted the office
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize