after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
