I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
