I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
