when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
