I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
