Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize