D3 body, D1 cock
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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