So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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