you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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