They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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