watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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