i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize