he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
