I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
