I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
