I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
