LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
