I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
