He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my being single is dangerous.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
