Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize