Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
