All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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