I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
