I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
