i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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