Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
