do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
