I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
