Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
