just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize