I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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