good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
